Rita Skeeter

[Teddy Lupin]
Darling boy,

I am ever so glad to see that you've come to your senses.

Your affianced has seemed rather cold, of late. I was wondering if perhaps her little affair with young Mr. Black ran into a few bumps in the road, but as you seem to be taking credit for her foul mood, I suppose that she and her side-lover are still doing well. I am ever-so grateful for the news, darling. You know how I feel about publishing falsehoods.

As for your request for marriage, I will allow it. There will be an announcement to that effect in the next edition of the Skeet Beat, along with the identity of the master of ceremony. However, given the extensive family into which you'll be marrying and the limited amount of time I am willing to expend on your wedding (and your frankly doomed marriage), you will have to find volunteers to help you organize it.

Your wedding date will be February 14th. I assume this will be sufficiently romantic?

- Rita Skeeter

Are we having fun, darlings?

The trial is over. Today you get your final say, my dearest tribunal members.

Will the werewolves of Lockewood be required to take the wolfsbane potion each month?

Should I require that all werewolves be registered and known to all inhabitants of Lockewood?

How should Louis Weasley be punished for turning Teddy Lupin and Arabella Figg into werewolves? Has he been in jail for long enough, or does he deserve a longer sentence?

It is time for you to make a decision and forever hold your peace. Once your ink has dried, your words will be final. Nothing can be erased. I will consider everything that everyone has to say, but let's not forget that the ultimate decision rests with me.

Yours,
Rita


( OOC Note )

Lockewood Citizens,

A most heinous crime was committed on the night of October 12th. Louis Weasley turned two innocent people into werewolves, a crime that is both irreversible and unforgivable. Some may not think he deserves a trial, but I am allowing him a fair trial out of the kindness of my heart.

A tribunal has been formed and they will decide Mr. Weasley's fate, along with the fate of the other werewolves in Lockewood.

Tomorrow the tribunal members will hear evidence in Mr. Weasley's defense. The day after, they will be presented with the evidence to convict Mr. Weasley. On Wednesday, I will open the floor to all citizens who wish to give their testimonies and input. After that, the tribunal members and myself will be given time to deliberate before a final decision is reached upon Saturday. All outcomes of this trial will be effective immediately, so do stop in if you wish to say your piece, darlings.

[Private to Mr Ollivander]
My dear Mr Ollivander,

Several weeks ago, you requested materials with which to manufacture wands, as I recall. I trust you remember that I instructed you to continue with your work at your assigned occupation and that I would see to these materials when I became adequately confident you wouldn't let it fall by the wayside.

You will be pleased to know that, should you leave the area at the foot of your bed clear tonight, you will wake to these materials in your bedroom. I of course cannot give you shop space, as you will continue to work at your assigned occupation, with wandmaking as a little side hobby. You will not sell these wands, Mr Ollivander, you will give them to those who need them. This is, after all, a hobby, is it not?

Hoping you are well,

Rita Skeeter

[Private to Rowena Ravenclaw]
Mrs. Ravenclaw,

You'll have to forgive me for the tardy reply, darling, I have been ever so busy of late, and I'm afraid the children's education had to take a backseat. I'm sure you understand, dear.

Now as for your request, I have given it some serious thought, and I have decided that you are absolutely right, darling. Children's education, very important, of course. And though you have been doing such a terrific job with our sex column, it really is a waste of your talents, isn't it?

You may now consider the position of teacher your official occupation here in Lockewood.

Have a nice day, dear. I expect you'll make the appropriate announcement, hm?

-Rita Skeeter

Dearest citizens of Lockewood,

It has not escaped my notice that the lake has been expanding into several of your homes, destroying your property, and causing health and safety hazards for those residing in cottages 1 through 8. In light of this dire situation, I am ordering those residing in these cottages to vacate the premises, and those residing in cottages 9 through 31 to open their doors to displaced citizens. Further, residents of cottages 9 through 31 who are not currently residing in the residences which were assigned to them, will return to their rightful cottage immediately. In order to keep confusion to a minimum, I will be assigning the temporary home assignments. There will be no exceptions.


Cassandra Vablatsky will be assigned to cottage # 12 with Percy Weasley and Angelina Johnson
Neville Longbottom will be assigned to cottage # 14 with Antonin Dolohov and Andromeda Tonks
Hannah Abbott will be assigned to cottage # 11 with Sirius Black and Helga Hufflepuff
James Sirius Potter will be assigned to cottage # 15 with Rodolphus Lestrange and Harry Potter
Fabian Prewett will be assigned to cottage # 17 with Bill Weasley and Gellert Grindelwald
Fleur Weasley will be assigned to cottage # 18 with Scorpius Malfoy and Ted Tonks
Rabastan Lestrange will be assigned to cottage # 20 with Regulus Black and Elphias Doge
Ariana Dumbledore will be assigned to cottage # 22 with Victoire Weasley and Tom Riddle
Zacharias Smith will be assigned to cottage # 26 with Albus Dumbledore and Hermione Granger
Lily Potter will be assigned to cottage # 23 with Lucius Malfoy and Nyphadora Tonks
Lucy Weasley will be assigned to cottage # 27 with George Weasley and James Potter

Failure to open your doors to the displaced citizen assigned to you, to return to your assigned residence (for those living in cottages 9 through 31) or to move to the cottage assigned to you by me will result in a prompt arrest by Molly Weasley. Should Mrs. Weasley neglect to do her job to my satisfaction, Harry Potter will be given that particular assignment, and Molly will join the rule breakers in prison. There is no escaping this, my darlings.

As this is an emergency situation, I expect each and every one of you to behave in a mature manner.

Thank you, Darlings. I'm sure we'll get through this without a hitch, with everyone's cooperation.

-Rita Skeeter

I would like to personally extend a very warm welcome to Harry Potter. It's so good to have you back in Lockewood! That's right, darling. You were here before, but I'm afraid some nasty business happened and you were killed, but never you mind that.

I offered to bring you back to your family and friends, but I decided to test their love and devotion for you first. Really, they should have known I would bring you back with or without their sacrifices. You're much too amusing to be without.

You had many friends offer to suffer much on your behalf, young man. Miss Granger said she would confront You-Know-Who for your sake! Your eldest son, James Sirius, offered to forget everything he has experienced in Lockewood. Including his lover, I might add! Your youngest son was determined to be vague, but he said he would do anything to have you back. Sirius declared he would give up his magic for you, and Nymphadora said she would give up her metamorphmagus abilities! Can you believe it! I could scarcely believe how much they would give up for you. Cedric Diggory, the lovely boy, offered a limb! As if I could be so barbaric! Touching, nonetheless, was that not? And that other darling boy, Colin Creevey, said he would give up his camera for you. It must mean a lot to him.

Those parents of yours, selfish things... I don't think they knew you long enough to love you at all! Your sons though, they clearly love you.

Oh, but there were others who outright refused to give anything for your sake. Remus Lupin and his son, Teddy, Lysander Scamander, and your parent's old friend, Marlene McKinnon – these people mustn't care for you a wink! They were incredibly rude and hostile. I wouldn't expect much from them in the future if I were you.

That's all I have to tell you, dearest. I do hope you'll get comfortably settled in again.

Kisses,
Rita Skeeter

[Private to Harry Potter]
And as for Malfoy... my my my, the things that boy would do for you. Draco would do anything, without limitations, to have you back. I was taken aback by his adamant devotion!

Dear me, the grief in this village is positively dreadful. Dreadfully boring! The Boy-Who-Lived turned into the Man-Who-Died and I have yet to see anyone take action to track down his killer. I can't help but wonder, darlings. Did he mean so little to you?

If you're too good for revenge, family and friends of our dearly departed Harry Potter, answer me this...

What would you endure to have him back?

WHO DID THIS?



I WILL NOT HAVE CORPSES IN MY VILLAGE!
IS THAT UNDERSTOOD?

[Private to Molly Weasley]

I've a gift for you. You will present yourself at the entrance to my building at 4 o'clock. Be prompt.

[Private to Lysander Scamander]
After much consideration, I have decided to allow the shop to be called Smuggled.

Thank you so very much for all of your hard work.

Rita Skeeter

Citizens of Lockewood,

I trust that you have learned your lesson, have you not? When Ms. Skeeter gives you specific rules to follow, you are to follow them to the letter.

Now, then. Pay very close attention if you don't wish to remain attached to your partners. In order for the handcuffs to come off, you must fulfill the dates as instructed. For most of you, I trust, that will mean nothing more or less than a simple kiss. However, because you were all far too dim to have figured it out by yourselves before now, it will have to satisfy your individual handcuffs' exacting standards. For those of you who neglected to have a meaningful date at all, the full date will have to be started over.

Unless you wanted to be handcuffed to your partners, of course! If that's the case, carry on!

Kisses,
Rita Skeeter

[Private to Draco Malfoy]
Mr. Malfoy,

In the absence of Ginny Potter, and considering the wonderful job you've been doing, please consider bartending your new, official occupation here in Lockewood.

-Rita Skeeter

[Private to Elphias Doge]
Mr. Doge,

You charming, charming man. How could I refuse? Our resident carpenter will be charged with building you a shop. Take this time to come up with an original name, will you? It would be simply dreadful to have the place called 'Toy Shop' and I wouldn't stand for it.

-Rita Skeeter

[Private to Lysander Scamander]
Mr. Scamander,

So nice to see that you've finally decided to own up to your identity. Any thoughts on how you would like to name The Otherside now that it has been successfully rebuilt?

And would you be so kind as to build a toy shop for our Mr. Doge? Thank you ever so.

-Rita Skeeter

Oh my poor dears, in the hustle and bustle of the recent festivities, I’ve neglected to write an edition of my fine newspaper for you! But fret not, fret not, all is well in Lockewood and I have not forgotten you!

No, rather than look back on your very poor decisions this past month, I thought it wise to take this opportunity to look ahead.

Yes, my darlings, this year is going to be a lot better than the last. I know, some of you must be so terribly tired of being here, but rest assured, I am going to make things interesting yet! And then you’ll never want to leave.

Oh, and I hope the promises you’ve made yourselves and your loved ones over the past two days weren’t too extravagant, dears. You don’t want to see what happens if you renege on any of them.

One last thing, before I let you get back to what you were doing. There will be a wedding in Lockewood, this upcoming Saturday, January 8th! It will celebrate the union between our very own Rodolphus Lestrange and Bellatrix Black! Theodore Tonks will be presiding over the ceremony.

Until next time, my darlings!

-R. Skeeter

Darlings!

With all the hatred and violence simmering below the surface, I have decided to bring Lockewood a shrink.

Once Miss Black has had time to adjust, everyone will be required to have mandatory sessions with her.

If you choose to refuse, you will see how therapeutic the bars of my jail cells are.

Your Ever Caring,
Rita Skeeter

[Backdated to Friday; Hexed to Tribunal Members]

Members of the Tribunal, you have heard both sides of the story and been given ample time to ask questions.

Now I ask for your decision. You may share it with your fellow tribunal members, or make it for my eyes only.

Should Gellert Grindelwald indefinitely remain in prison, or go free? What would you have me do with the defendant and his accuser?


If you have more to add, dearests, please do.

-R. Skeeter

The following are being called upon to perform their duties as citizens of Lockewood.

Bellatrix Black
Zacharias Smith
Blaise Zabini
James Sirius Potter
Alecto Carrow
Kirley Duke
Tracey Davis
Rodolphus Lestrange
Albus Dumbledore

You nine will comprise a tribunal that will hear and judge the case of Gellert Grindelwald for alleged crimes committed against one Harry Potter.

The hearing will be held July 26th, in my Skeet Beat Headquarters, and the final judgment must be reached no later than July 30th.

Kisses,
Rita Skeeter

Darlings!

I'm feeling generous today. It is the beginning of a new month, and what a warm month it will be.

I've decided I may allow a few of you to change your occupation – if you so desire it.

Of course, I will decide what your new occupation is, and alternatively whether you deserve a change from the monotony.

There will be no persuading me to change my mind once I have made it up.

Ask nicely, dears.

My, what excitement has been afoot!

Have you missed my writing, devoted readers? Of course you have. I know I've been leaving you all hanging in suspense.

Worry not, my lovelies. I'll soon have a new edition of my Skeet Beat for you to feast your eyes upon.

There has been much too much going on for me not to write about!

And there will be even more now that I've sent back a few fortunate souls to their home. Who, you ask? I suspect you will find out on your own time. This reporter has more important things to investigate and report.

Kisses,
Rita Skeeter

It has come to my attention that my little lovelies don't appreciate what I've given them. Have I not given you all jobs that help pay for your necessities? Have I not given you a roof to keep you shaded from the harsh weather?

It is very disappointing to know that you all have no appreciation for what I do for you. Asking for new jobs? Asking for new housing? You should be happy I've given you anything. I suppose you'll find out what happens when I don't give you anything.